The Idea Sparked
Alright, so my partner comes home looking like a deflated balloon after another draining work day, right? Barely a “hey.” Dinner felt like chewing cardboard. Later that night, scrolling some lame “relationship goals” pic online, it hit me – enough pretending, time for real action. Found this list: 7 behaviors science says build joy. Figured, screw the fluff, let’s road-test these suckers for a month. See if they actually work in my messy life.
My Personal 7-Step Crash Test
Behavior 1: Daily “Saw This & Thought of You”
Started simple. Tuesday morning saw a ridiculous dancing squirrel GIF. Sent it with “Totally your chaotic energy at 7 AM.” Partner just texted back “???” Oof. Lesson learned: Don’t lead with squirrel insanity. Next day? Sent a picture of that overpriced craft beer they love at the corner store. Boom. “You legend! Bringing some home???” Felt like scoring a goal. Gotta link it to THEIR world.
Behavior 2: The Real “How Was Your Day?”
Quit asking while staring at the sink full of dishes on auto-pilot. Made a rule: Phones down, butt on the couch, actual eye contact. First night partner was ranting about Brenda from accounting stealing lunches. My knee-jerk? “Just report her.” Instead I paused, then said, “Stealing food… Brenda sounds like she has problems. That sucks you gotta deal with that.” Witnessed actual shoulder tension melting. Shocking.
Behavior 3: Making Tiny Affection Tangible
Noticed their favorite mug chipped. Instead of just thinking “poor mug,” I tracked down a replacement online – same ridiculous avocado print. Left it on their desk with just a sticky note: “Saw this and panicked. Couldn’t have you mugless.” The hug I got? Almost spilled my coffee. Cheap win, huge payoff.
Behavior 4: Embracing the Rituals (Even the Weird Ones)
Partner is obsessed with pre-bedtime organizing – phone charging spot, keys hook, jacket just so. I used to mock it gently. Nope. Started doing my keys and wallet while they did theirs. Didn’t say anything, just mirrored. Later they muttered, “Thanks for… you know. Joining the routine.” Weirdly comforting.
Behavior 5: Dropping the Scorecard
This one was HARD. Dishes piling up? Instead of my standard sigh-heavy “I cleaned the bathroom ALL DAY SATURDAY,” I gritted teeth and asked, “Need help knocking these out quick?” Partner blinked. Then we smashed through them together in like 10 minutes. Less resentment, faster dishes. Huh.
Behavior 6: Ditch the Defensive Shields
Got feedback: “You leave cupboard doors open constantly!” Instant internal rage: “What about YOU leaving damp towels on the bed?!” Bit my tongue. Literally. Said, “Ugh, yeah, totally does my head in when they’re open. My bad. Remind me?” Partner relaxed. So did I. Saved us from the usual spin cycle.
Behavior 7: Creating “Us vs. The Problem”
Had a mini-disaster trying to assemble a stupid IKEA shelf. Normally we’d snap at each other like cornered cats. Instead, pointed at the instructions saying “What IS this language? Martian? This shelf is fighting dirty.” Partner laughed, said “Let’s wrestle it to the ground.” We blamed the shelf, not each other. Still slightly crooked, but feels like a trophy now.
The Raw, Honest Results
Total success? Nah. Forgot the “saw this” thing some days. Bit back defensively more than once. Sometimes the couch just feels better than “real” how was your day. It was messy, like everything.
But the shift? Real. Less walking on eggshells. More stupid dancing in the kitchen just because. Fights aren’t these epic doom-battles anymore – more like quick thunderstorms. The air feels lighter somehow. Still have moments I wanna throw their perfectly folded socks out the window, but hey. The joy dial actually turned up.
Would I do it again? Already am. These aren’t magic tricks, just tools that need grease. Keeping the toolbox open. https://psychological.cc/
